Been a long time, Been a long time!

Phew!

After taking quite a break from the online journal-ing, I have returned! (Even though I'm REALLY not a fan of this particular blog space...)

Points of interest since the last blog:

My children now live with me and Mark! And WHAT an amazing, disastrous, and all around beautiful adventure it's been!

Mark and I are thriving beautifully together, growing closer in a such a comfortable way that I didn't think was actually POSSIBLE for people to do.

Ok.....Wow. I can't think of any more points of interest. Those are the basics :)

Having the kids with me everyday all day has been...(I don't have a word to describe this, so I'm going to make one up.)

Fulstresiring [fuhl-stres-ire-ing]

-verb
1. completely and utterly fulfilling while simultaneously inspiring one to want to pull ones hair out piece by piece and additionally causing lack of proper sleep resulting in the necessity of a full pot of coffee each and every morning before being capable of general comprehension.

2. general motherhood.


Realistically speaking, I didn't actually think that I was strong or capable enough to be a Mommy. (See also: Things I should have considered before giving into the "baby hunger").

I quite literally had the idea in my mind when I went full force on getting my kids back home with me that it would be all work and no play. I was prepared for that grisly fate, and more than willing to resign myself to it, thinking it would be proper karma for me, considering the many ridiculous mistakes I have made in my life. (Call me a terrible person for thinking that way, but hey, no reason to not speak candidly, ey?)

What I honestly didn't realize is that you also receive what I like to call "Mommy Fuel". Mommy fuel is also known as the little things that happen on a daily basis that fully recharge me and those tiny things that get stuck in my head at the end of the day that make be giggle myself to sleep.

Today, for example. I was introducing my 5 year old, Connor, to a little Michael Jackson via Thriller. I explained who the King of Pop was, and he took one look at the video and said "I know Michael Jackson! He's the President of the United States!" We moved on to talking about The Beatles (His music tastes have matured from Sesame Street to The Beatles and Journey, yes....MY child through and through.) He'd asked me once if we could go see The Beatles in real life, so he could hear their songs, and I had to explain why they were no more. So today, Connor asks how The Beatles died....What do I tell a 5 year old? I decided to be honest, and I told him that someone shot John Lennon. His reaction? "Why would anyone do that! They are like, the best singers! I would NEVER shoot The Beatles!" *heartstrings, tug tug.

Go ahead and have a gallon of Mommy Fuel for that one.

Papercut for Connor today, thanks to his enormous Spongebob Squarepants coloring book. A tiny little thing, I couldn't even see where it was, but you'd think that the boy was suffering a long and painful death. He was cradling one arm while dragging himself across the floor with the other, sobbing woefully. (Am I a bad mom because I laughed?) I told him to go wash it off in the sink and I'd get him a Band-aid, and his papercut turned into a limp that made him gasp everytime he took a step the whole way to the bathroom. :)

There's another gallon.

My 3 year old, Salem, is the "Little Mommy" of the house. When Connor is in school, she has taken on the task of helping me clean the house. As I'm bustling around making things comfy, I catch her every now and then singing to herself as she meticulously cleans Mark's shoes one at a time with Lysol wipes. She's always so proud of her progress, and has adopted terms such as "Aw snap!" and "Wicked cool!"

I didn't accomplish anything I wanted to today. For every mess I cleaned, there was another one waiting, and the previous mess starting all over again. I divided my time between one dirty dish, helping find the elusive black crayon, which repeatedly disappeared, taping up drawings in the kids bedroom, one more dirty dish, mediating "He said-she said" disagreements, looking up online what color Spongebob's work uniform was, another dirty dish, making specialty sandwiches (PEANUT BUTTER ONLY WITH NO CRUSTS!), supervising one or two time-outs, until I have finally arrived at this point. Looking back, it's relatively sad to think about how proud I am that I completed ONE load of dishes.

Enter every single day of the week. If it weren't for the Mommy Fuel that I got to aquire during the day I would feel SO incredibly worn down, like a total failure, and overall just beat.

Ah......Mommyhood.